Jeff Gordon and Mark Martin – Undue Influences, Who Knew?!

My job is so much easier when posts write themselves. A case on point: An inmate in federal prison has filed a $23 million lawsuit claiming NASCAR is responsible for his laundry list of criminal activity, from speeding to credit card fraud.

Jonathan Lee Riches filed suit in U.S. District Court in Richmond, Va., stating that watching races “influenced him to speed … doing 135 mph and getting tickets.”

According to his complaint his NASCAR “addiction” caused him to use “illegally obtained credit cards to attend races,” and once there, used the cards to purchase products hawked by race drivers. “I used (Kyle) Petty’s Discover Card to buy Mark Martin Viagra.” The defendants insisted they did not care, is his claim, and encouraged Riches to buy “Budweiser beer and funnel cake with more stolen funds.”

For full disclosure, the old #6 Viagra Ford did nothing for my peace of mind either. I was reduced to a stumbling, bumbling mass of jelly when the youngest daughter asked: “Papa, what’s that Viagra stuff my favorite driver has painted on his car?”

Um, it’s for “headaches,” I answered hoping she wouldn’t catch the double entendre. Too bad I didn’t have Jeff’s and Ella’s sandbox to hide in at the time.

Anyway, back to Riches suit, the filing also claims that Jeff Gordon’s Dupont-sponsored car “poisoned me with Dupont chemicals.”

Jeffy seems to be a favorite target, a year ago in a previous suit he accused Gordon of everything from poisoning fans with chemical weapons, to wrecking other drivers by dropping Tic Tacs and oil on the track through a secret trap door under his race car.

Oh, and Karl Rove allegedly was sent to be Jeff’s tire changer or crew chief or some damn something. But I do like that Tic Tacs idea, maybe something similar was in play at Fontana Saturday. A quick check of the #18 might confirm the presence of any illegal trapdoors.

Or maybe not.

Obviously the guy is an attention seeking nutcake and a well known one. Riches has filed thousands of suits while residing in the Federal Iron Bar Hotel.

As previously mentioned, posts seem to write themselves at times and I have nothing better to do while waiting for the race to start.

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